Smiling through Sadness

Trip’s pre-chemo appointment went okay today. We had to get in the Pentam booth. He was not happy about that but did great other than a few tears and questions about why I was being so mean. When he finished he was wheezing, so he had to have a second breathing treatment. He felt much better after that. Trip’s hemoglobin is holding steady at 8 when it should be at least 11. For some reason that never recovers for him. He will probably need a blood transfusion while in the hospital this week. I’m not a fan. The plan now is to have two more rounds of methotrexate and then have a PET scan and an MRI the week of May 20. Those results will determine the next steps. We had a good visit with Trip’s friend Carter and my friend Tammy today at lunch. They are usually in clinic once a month when we are there and Trip looks forward to seeing them. Carter had lymphoma and has been in remission since the end of last year. Seeing how well he is doing makes my heart smile. Watching Trip play with him makes me so happy. Talking to Tammy helps me to feel “normal” and that makes me happy. What doesn’t make me happy is news we received last week. Trip’s buddy Jenson who has been fighting LCH is losing his battle. He has been on chemo for three years and recently had a bone marrow transplant. He now has brain damage, bleeds and meningitis. I’m sad. I’m angry. I’m confused. I’m scared. This precious little boy has spent his entire three years of life in hospitals fighting for his life and in the end will not make it. Jenson’s mom and my friend, Kristin is handling this with more grace and peace than I could ever muster. I realize no one is guaranteed tomorrow with his/her children. Some of us have time to plan for the day that will happen and have to wake up, get up, and show up knowing that one day in the very near future our world will be missing a sweet, innocent child. I watch and hurt for their family and try to offer words of comfort all the while silently hoping and praying that will never be my child.